Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
