You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
