Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
