somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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