best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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