this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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