What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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