Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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