i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
