recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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