I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came so hard my ears popped.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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