I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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