Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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