I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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