i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
