sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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