i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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