The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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