I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
