Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
