I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize