I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
