You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
