someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this beer tastes like vomit already
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
