Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
