meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i dont even know how to be here
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
