i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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