i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
