John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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