I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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