he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
