He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
