Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
