the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
