Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize