...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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