Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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