I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
