and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
