I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
