I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize