i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
