Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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