I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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