cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
