do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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