what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
