Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
