I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
