I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
