Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
