Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
