Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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