i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
