I'm really into asian looking animals
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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