I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
