At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
