I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
