so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
