Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
