This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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