why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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