Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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