you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
