sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we're so committed to being not committed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
