some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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