It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
